Saturday, October 8, 2011

FLORDIA!!! With and without the sunshine

As you may have guessed from my title this I am farther south then normal. I'm in Orlandooooo. I've been here since Saturday and it's been a pretty..well not all that normal trip. Saturday morning we left before the crack of dawn at an ungodly 5 am. (I have a rule about getting up before the sun, we are children of the light after all right? ;) ) We ended up in two different cars. My fambam in one and me and my boyfriend in another. I'm proud to say I drove some of the way, no it wasn't much of the way but it was some of the way and I'm proud because usually with that little bit of sleep I'd have been completely worthless. We got close to Orlando and guess what happens? It starts to rain! and rain..and rain..and rain..and rain.. All day and night Saturday and then most of the day Sunday. Finally late Sunday afternoon it lightened up and my sweet boyfriend took me to Downtown Disney where we ate at Fulton's Crab House. It's not actually a's a boat. A very large super awesome boat. If you ever get the chance to go you should try it!
Monday turned off VERY hot and VERY humid. The whole family ended up going to Downtown Disney to walk through it for a while and that is when it hit..Slowly but surely the pain level increased. On the way home I took a pain pill but I had already waited to long that it had a good hold. So I got back to the house and 3 pain pills later it wasn't any better. I think that's the first time my boyfriend has actually seen me cry. When I'm in that much pain I just cry silent tears and scream to the top of my lungs inside my head. Screaming out loud would just take too much energy and cause more pain then it would be worth. So anyways after a longgggggggggg rough night that brings us to today. Beach day! Which turned out not to be such a great idea. It was really crowded and it wasn't much fun this time around.
Tomorrow we go to Disney World and I'm trying to think, preventive. Something to keep me out of pain as long as possible as we wonder through the wonderful world of Magic Kingdom. If I figure anything good out I'll let you know!
One of the times that has stuck out in my head so far of this trip is either Sunday or Monday morning (I can't remember which my days are starting to run together) But we are in a house we rented for the week and it has a back deck and nice in-ground pool and I decided to sit out there and drink my coffee. My boyfriend comes out and sits down with me and we start talking and somehow or another we get on the subject of Endo. He has known little things that I've told him over time or things he's heard but he's never just straight up asked for any details or anything. I don't know how long we talked but it did give the opportunity to explain a lot more and for him to ask questions. Which I think is something anyone that has a chronic illness needs to do. I never really have done that because the people that I thought needed to know most everything which was basically just my mom and doctor, have been there every step of the way so I never have really just sat down and laid it all straight for someone before. I honestly tried to hide it for the most part from everyone cause I didn't like feeling weird or weak. But I learned that being open and honest is the best thing you can do because if you aren't you can't expect people to even halfway understand when your having a bad day. Even though I know there is probably a lot more we still will need to talk over about the Endo I was happy we did have the chance this week. It was kinda a relief. I guess it makes you feel like someone cares when they want to try to understand, and having someone try to understand even though they admit they can't relate at all, it's a loved kinda feeling to know they want to help.
So anyways I'm tired and the big day is tomorrow! I'll get back with you soon!
Love and pain free wishes!♥

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Sunshine and Blue Skies

I'm telling ya'll I'm LOVEING this fall weather! There's nothing as beautiful as a crisp fall air, a clear brilliant blue sky and bright sunshine. I'm not an outdoorsy person but this kinda weather makes even me want to spend some time out there!! :)
I've been trying to keep up with school the past couple of days..not working so well. I feel like I'm constantly behind and my grades have slipped more then I'd like to admit. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've never had anything less then a 3.6 for three years and this semester, this very last semester I'm making the worst grades I've ever made. I think maybe I'm just burned out. When I started school I was just soo into it that I worked extremely hard and now that I've gotten to then end I feel like I've gotten very little accomplished. I've had a few major changes...okay more then a few but I had reasons behind all of them.
First semester of school I was in the nursing program. I started Anatomy and , got into the class the first day and flipped because I thought there was no way I could do it.
I changed to Culinary Arts. Come on we all know me and we all know I can not cook and we all knew that was just a place holder while I figured something else out.
I changed to NeuroMuscular therapy. I went all the way, got the a few weeks before the actual classes started, went to the instructor just to see what I was getting myself into and found out I wasn't strong enough. No like literally not physically strong enough. (for all my Endo friends out there you know that pushing and pulling with all your body weight everyday is NOT a good way to keep from being in pain constantly and me doing any kind of weight training or anything to get me stronger was out of the question) so after that I felt lost. I didn't know what to do. So I spend a semester under the description of Health Care Assistant just to take some basic classes. Then I thought well why not go ahead and try LPN again? I had already taken the Anatomy class for the NeuroMuscular therapy major and had gotten some of my highest grades in all my school in that class. So I had everything set to go, I just had to take the entrance exam. The test normally takes about 3 hours to complete. I had to get up and walk out after less then 2. The pain hit me so hard I was in bed sick and on pain killers for the next few days. So needless to day I def did not pass that test. I was sooo upset after that because I felt like once again this disease was ruining my life and my plans. I called the lady that was over the testing at the school and explained to her what happened and asked her if she could help me figure out what I could major in with all the classes I've taken. She allowed me to come in and take the next again. I did it and got above average scores but didn't get called back to enter the program. I know now that I probably wouldn't have been able to make it through the program and that since my immune system has weakened so much that being in direct contact with patients probably wasn't the brightest idea anyways. I decided then it was just God's will for me. I had prayed that He would show me what He wanted and apparently nursing was not it.
So now I'm in a very simple medical business course that I could have finished two years ago and not at all what I thought I'd come out of school with. I sometimes feel disappointed in myself because I put so much pressure on myself to be better and I didn't reach it. But at least I know that if I need to work while I write I can now and that I've prayed at every turn that God would open and close doors so I would be in His will and He has been faithful to answer every time. I just have to remind myself of that because His answer isn't always what we think it should be.
Speaking of writing, my novel is coming along :) I was having a hard time coming up with a conflict between Isabella and Andrew. I needed something that would carry through but not be too incredibly deep or out in left field somewhere so I settled on an issue that we all can relate to. Trust. At one point or another everyone has problems with that all in different areas. But my character's issues are going to be that one is going to learn that you have to learn to trust people. Even if it means getting hurt over and over again until you do find someone who's worth your trust but if you don't try you won't ever know. They will also learn that the only one that will never ever fail and you can always trust in is God.
So no over your head stuff just honest truth.
Hope you all are enjoying the brilliant sunshine!!!!
Much love and pain free wishes!♥