Friday, September 30, 2011

A New Day

First off I want to apologize to everyone who may have read the article I posted "The Spoon Theory" before I edited it. I thought I had edited out the cuss word in it but apparently I hadn't and I apologize for that and it has now been edited out.
So glad that today is a new day and not only that but the start of the weekend! Yesterday was a bad bad day. I didn't feel good from the moment I got up and my emotions were pretty much out of control. Being in pain is terrible. It's a horrible horrible thing to feel like your dying and there is nothing anyone can do for you. But in the end I see it as it's only hurting me, when my emotions are out of control, that's when it hurts everyone else and that's when I feel like disappearing for a while. I'll admit yesterday I was completely out of control, I had the worst emotional day I've had in a longggg time. By the end of the day I locked myself in my room so I couldn't make any one's day worse. Feeling out of control is one of the worst feels there is. A lot of times you feel like your watching yourself become someone else and your just looking through a window and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I hate that feeling worse then anything. I hate hurting the people I love and I hate feeling out of control so those two together gives me quite a bad day. I tend to beat myself up over it for a while after I've had a day like yesterday. I know that my hormones are completely out of whack since I haven't had any treatments in over a month but I want to feel like I have more control over my own body but the fact is I don't. I have to remember to let go and move on to the next day and make today better then my yesterday. Today is a new day, I'm feeling better and not so out of control. The weather is gorgeous, the sun is shining and fall has officially arrived!!! :) Don't you love how God starts everyday off with beautiful sunshine, reminding us it's a new day and His mercies are new every morning.
When you feel like your on the other side of the glass watching yourself and your wondering where that person came from just remember, you are stronger then you feel, and tomorrow is a new day♥

1 comment:

  1. I know how it feels to have your emotions out of control. I do the same thing, lock myself in my room to keep out of everyone else's way. The good thing is, they are your family and know what you're going through, and will love you no matter what. :)
    Just remember, love, God is the great physician. I know how hard it is to have faith when things are so rough. Just know I am praying for you :) Love you! <3